I am so retarded. I just came back from seeing Mean Girls about an hour ago, which is a really good movie, and when I got home I decided to phone Alum, who wasn't home, then Jordan, who didn't answer. Then, for no reason, I decided to rip up everything to do with Jordan that I had. Melanie C "Lose Myelf in you" (I'm playing her CD). Anyway, seriously, I took his printed off my wall, ripped it to shreds, took his framed picture and turned it face down on my desk, then I went to my Math notebook and whited out all the stuff I wrote about him, took out my planner, ripped out the page in the back where I wrote about him, and rippped that to shreds too. Then I went to a page where I wrote his name like 60 times in a row, and whited that out too. Then I went to my email, and deleted the whole folder of messages I had from him, and took him off my list of contacts. I still have a whole diary of stuff about him, but I'm going to see if I can get him to read it before I destroy it. And I have a binder with conversations that we had in it, but I have to get it back from Sarah before I ripped it up. Oh, and I deleted his number off my speed dial. The only thing I'm keeping is the toy kittie he gave me on my 12th birthday, because it's soooooo cute and I love it, just like I thought I did him. Melanie C "Positively Somewhere". Such a weird song, seriously.

I don't know why I did it, though. We haven't talked in weeks, unless you include the time in the library Wednesday morning when I asked him what book he was looking for. I think it's because I thought about all the things he does, and how much chance we have of actually getting back together again. Whenever Shannon decides to be a loser and throw Guy at him (my pencil case) or something, he freaks out and like kicks it. And he tells people he hates me. Well, he hasn't done that in a while, but still. Melanie C "Melt". I swear to Jesus Roman, she's saying goat. What? Whatever. Shut. And then there was yesterday, when some asses in my class decided to throw my papers everywhere in Tech Ed, and Jordan did nothing about it. But it was funny, sometimes I go to sit with him and Andrew and Shannon, and I say "Shut up Jordan" he says "You shut up", except he doesn't say it in a hate way, he kind of says it the way he used to. No!! Don't go there, Rebecca, seriously. No "Used to", anymore.

I remember this time when I told him that I had watched a video and I was going to die in 7 days (The Ring, he hadn't seen it), and he actually believed me and he got so freaked out, and then he was so pissed when I told him that I made it up and that it was from a movie. He was like "NEVER do that again, next time do that to somebody who DOESN'T care!!" AI3 Top 9 "Elton John Medley"...NO!!! JOHN-NNY!!!!!