I have my plan for Jonathan!! This is what I'm going to say when he comes back:

You said before that the only thing stopping you from being gay was me, right? Well guess what? I'm still here. Before I say anything else I need you to pretend that I'm still your girlfriend and that you'll actually consider changing your mind because of what I'm saying.

What you said about not really liking me anyway, I can understand that. You're saying that because now that you've decided you're gay, you think you never thought like that ever. It's like if I decided I liked another guy, and then told you I never liked you anyway, I just thought I did. The only reason I would say that would be because I would think that I was a different person now and that nothing about my former "being" was real. That actually did happen, there was this thing that happened with another guy, and it got really messed up and in the end I had to choose between him and you, and I chose you, and not just because I thought it was better, because I KNEW it was real.

And then there was that time at the mall, the second time, remember? We both know that was supposed to happen. And it's happened more than once, too: There was last time when it got messed up and we both thought it was gonna work, and then it did. And you said that fate doesn't just do things in its own, that people have to take action themselves. I totally agree with that, and last time you did that when you decided it could still work. And this time it's my turn to do something about the complete mess that we are both in right now.

And that's another thing, remember how nervous you were the first time? You got over that. That's one of the main reasons why it didn't feel right, because you weren't used to it. It was never that you didn't want it. The last time that you were here, when we were out, I remember something: There was this one part where you had your arm around me, and you told me that that was the closest you'd ever gotten to a girl, and I asked you if that was good, and you said yes. You might say that you were just saying that, but when someone is that close you to you you can tell if they want it or not, and you might have been a little nervous, but you definitely liked it. And what I said last time, you said you only said it back because you thought you should. That's my reason for saying it too. I never really felt that way, I just thought that I should.

That's another thing, you think that in the way of us being together, it either has to be way too serious or nothing at all. I don't agree with that. If we decided now that we could make this work, all I want is for us to like each in that way. That's seriously all I want right now, I'm totally fine with that. And that means something, whether you know it or not: That I'm willing to change for you.

You said that when you first realized this, you felt messed up. The only reason you would have felt that way was if you CARED, in that WAY. And you did, and you still do. There's just this stupid part of you that's telling you no, and it's winning. Don't let it. From the time that I met you to now, you changed so much.

You went from someone who was breaking twigs on a rock to someone who was willing to apologize for something they didn't even do just to keep hold of something good. I do believe that you are still that person. I know you think it's too late, but you know what? It is NEVER too late. Especially not with something like this. You know it's different and I know it too. We know we'd never find anything like this again.

I'm basically done, but just please, stop this now. It's gone on for way too long. It's wrecked so much of everything. It's almost gone, I admit that, but we still can save it. I've done all I can, now it's your call. Just think about it all, and whether you want to let it go waste, which I know you don't. But if you want to let this take over you, I guess there's nothing I can do. But I meant what I said before about this being the only thing I had. I'm not from a rich family, and I don't have that much. I have my friends and everything, but it's not the same thing. The best thing I had was you. I was so proud of you, whenever I told other people about you. You're so smart, and you just know so much more than I do. Even though we have barely anything in common, it still worked between us. And it still CAN, if you'll just let it.

Whenver anything else got screwed up, the fact that I actually had someone who cared in that way and who accepted me for who I am just made it all better. You don't know how hard it is to find somebody who actually likes me, you probably know why. And it wasn't only that you liked me, but there were so many reasons for me to like you back. I could really trust you, I told you things that I've never told other people. It was so good, really. Even with the distance and everything, it was still awesome. Can you at least think about keeping it? About keeping me, as your girlfriend, please?

I think that's good. I'm posting it now for Sandy to see.