Okay, I'm here with Tuesday's show LIVE, on Big Band Night with the Final Five!! (stupid show without John Stevens)

Ryan is introducing us. And believe it or not, in 4 weeks we'll have our new AI!! Now he's talking about John's elimination. Shut up, dude. And how it's not fair that it's Big Band without him. Thank you Seacrest, at least someone cares!! Now we meet the judges. Simon "Meanie" Cowell, Paula "Bitchy" Abdul, and Randy "Dawgy" Jackson. Beh. Now they're showing a history of Big Band/Swing Music. Kewlies. I bet John has seen this a million times. Ooh, Duke Ellington, I love him!! Yo, it's Sinatra, and Dean, and Tony Bennett, those dudes John loves!! Now they're showing the dudes in the red room. And Tasia's talking about John. And so is Diana. She says that they're not as good as John at this sort of music. Damn right, you aren't. And George! Is! Excited!! And they have a band. What a copy of Australian Idol. And now the band is showing what they can do. Which isn't much. Commercials. I should recap the commercials. Ooh, eggs! I love eggs. Mmm, eggs. Shut up, Rebecca.

Back. Diana's singing "Someone to watch over me". Be right back, gotta watch it. She's doing good. She's wearing a really nice dress, but she looks really short. The band is totally drowning her out, which they did with John. She looks like Alice in Wonderland!! And now she's saying that she sang it for her Grandpa and her Army people. What is going on here? She's singing again. But not "Smile" like Paula said. Some Judy Garland song. "Come on, get happy". Beh!! They never sing twice in a row when they do two songs. And she's supposed to be singing "Smile!" Maybe she'll do that later??

Randy says she's the bomb. What, that will blow up the music industry? Kidding. Whoa, Paula looks like she has a black eye. Yay, somebody punched you? It's about time! Simon says it's her type of music. He called her an "Old Soul, and that's not a compliment". Actually, it is. Commercials. I have to go to www.thegmspecialist.com to see the advert winner!! Shut up. Oooh, before show promos. Another before show promo. Stupid Joan of Arcadia.

Back. Yes Ryan, we know about the tour. Shut up and send George out. He's singing "Cheek to cheek". I have to watch him. Hold on. Okay, this song's too low for him, but he was good. Now he's singing "What a wonderful World". This is Guy's song dude, don't wreck it, please. Wow, he yodelled. He hasn't done THAT since the auditions!! That was good, but not as good as Guy's.

Randy said it was really good, but too safe, like not amazing. He was looking for a high note. He DID do a high note, you retard!! Paula found him truly enchanting. I find your black eye truly enchanting, because it means that someone hates you as much as I do. She had her hands in front of her mic, so no on had any idea what she was saying. She was probably like "George you suck", and then she takes her hands away, "George, you're so enchanting!! Bitch. Simon agrees with Randy. Oh burn, he said that George could go on any cruise ship, and the passengers would hear what he heard tonight. Commercials. Oh jeez, my tooth hurts. Shut up. No seriously, it does. Fine.

Back. Latoya London "Too close for comfort". Be wise? You're not. Be smart? You're not that either. Seriously, everyone's worn that shirt, Latoya. She's screaming the whole song. SHUT UP!!! She says Thank You. You're not welcome. It's not my fault I had to sit through it. She said she sang the song because she loves it. No, I thought you sang it because you hated it. Now she's singing another crappy song. I have no idea what she's singing because she's screaming so much, it's totally incoherent. Something about Rain on my parade? I don't know.

Randy said this is her kind of music. No it's not. Paula said she took the gold at the Olympics. Very nice Paula, but this is AMERICAN IDOL, not the Olympics. Simon said 10/10 for a very good broadway performance, which means he hated it. Thank you Simon, you actually do have some sense in you!! Commercials. Oh crap it, I've lost the remote. No wait, I put it in the drawer. Idiot girl.

Back. JASSY!! "The way you look tonight". She's singing John's song. She's wearing a green top and chain blue jeans. She's so good, she's singing so high!! She's doing the song for Johnny, how nice!! No wait, she's doing it for her family. Now "It's almost like being in love". She's jazzing it up! Haha, JAZZY, get it?? Oh, shut up. She was so good! That was only the second fast song she's ever done.

Randy says it was aiight. Shut up, it was more than aiight. He likes the high notes, so do I. He says she needs to bring it. Whatever that means. Paula says she enjoyed her second song. And now she's asking her a bunch of dumass questions like "Have you ever imagined being up here?". Simon hated her. He said she had her chance to pull something out of the hat, and she didn't. Randy agrees. Shut up, Cowell and Jackson. Ryan says "Randy's looking for dude, do you know what that is?" Jas goes "No, I have no idea". Randy says it's the ball. Ryan goes "If you think Jasmine is dude, vote for her!" I think Jasmine is dude!! I'll vote for her!!! Beh!! Now Ryan just asked Randy and Simon to come up and sing, and they were going to, but then Simon went back to the table so Randy did too, and Ryan says we'll see it next week. Right. Any Fantasia Burrino fans in the house? Nope! Great! She's coming on next. Oh, the joy of it all. Commercials. Ugh, people on my MSN can't read!! I put my name as "Don't talk to me I'm busy, unless you're Sandy", because I know Sandy needs help with her homework so I'm waiting for her to come on, and so Stephanie starts talking to me!! And now she's getting mad because I won't talk. Look, I'm watching American Idol and trying to do a freaking recap at the same time. It's hard, okay?

Back. Queen "A crazy little thing called love". She looks like LaToya. La Toya, I'm sorry. Can't ever forget the space, you'll get shot. Tasia's doing okay. Um, she's dancing strangely. The song reminds of her little brother, because he drives her crazy. The next one is for her little bro too!! Something about life, I don't know what the name of the song is. She hit a high note. Jasmine's high notes are better.

Randy says it's unbelievable. So does Paula. Simon says that her and Toya are in a totally different league. Yeah, Toya's in the "Sucky" range.

Ooh, recap:
Diana Degarmo - 1-866-IDOLS-01 or text the word VOTE to 1-866-43657-01
George Huff - 1-866-IDOLS-02 or text the word VOTE to 1-866-43657-02
Latoya London - 1-866-IDOLS-03 or text the word VOTE 1-866-43657-03
Jasmine Trias - 1-866-IDOLS-04 or text the word VOTE 1-866-43657-04
Fantasia Burrino - 1-866-IDOLS-05 or text the word VOTE 1-866-43657-05

You can online text-message if you're in Canada at http://www.mymmode.com/messagecenter/index.html, and just leave the subject box blank. It probably doesn't work, but at least I feel like I've done something every week. Well, except the past two weeks when I haven't voted and Jen and John get kicked off, I still feel bad about that.

Why are you crying Paula? You suck!! Ryan asks them what they thought about Simons "Different League" Comment. Randy says he agrees, but put Diana in there too, in his opinion. And then during the credits Ryan runs over to the judges table and chucks water on Randy, and Randy chucks it back and looks like "Yo dawg, what you doing man?". People, don't chuck water at each other, please, for the sake of the kids. Now I have to see if I got voted out of Uber Idol Redux. I already got voted out of Supreme American Idol in the first round with Diana and Camile. I was Carmen Rasmusen. I'll be back tomorow for the results, I am SO tired it's so hard watching the show and doing this at the same time and trying to write down the voting numbers on a piece of paper!! Make sure you vote for Jasmine and George, and maybe a little for Tasia!! Seacrest, out!!