Wednesday: AI4: Saint Louis, Missouri:

Recap of last night.

Maynard triplets: "It's raining men". Simon said they all look like 3 overweight Jessica Simpson. The two outer ones left, and Erin is left in the middle. Erin's gone. Now Erin is talking to the camera and she's telling everyone how much they weigh, and they're bitching at her.

Katrina Rece - "I wanna dance with somebody". She's a cannibal, seriously, and she works by talking to mental patients all day. K then...but she's good, and she's really funny. She's gone, but Simon said that he watns her to meet the triplets because she can help them. He's obsessed with weight!

Break.

Back. Ryan's at a Cardinal's baseball game. Lol he like pailed someone in the face with the first pitch.

Maurice Moreau - Beh.

Daniel Sample - Stupid name!! "Angels" shut up!! H? Lol they'll all laughing.

Ozzie Smith - Oh I've heard of him!! "All I do" by Stevie Wonder. He's really good and energetic. He's in.

Johnny Hayes - "My first love". Lol Paula doesn't know what's happening, she's just looking around like beh. He sings way too high.

Jeremy and his singing teacher beh. Calm down singing teacher!! Someone's a little too pumped! His teacher goes first singing "Ain't nobody". Hate this song. Her name is Angel Higgs. She's good. She's through, Simon doesn't like her that much though. Beh freak!! Lol they'll all partaying.

Jessica Pontius - "Over the rainbow". She sings way too high, but she'd be good for musical theatre. Lol Randy says she can be a rat, he means rugrat. And then while they're talking she just walks out and now they're going hysterical lol. I've never seen Simon laugh so hard lol.

Break.

Back. Joe Schoen - "My girl". He's okay, but he's just really annoying. Lol he says he's not a cruise ship singer, but he sang on a cruise ship. He didn't make it because he's obnoxious, Simon says.

Justin Smith - "Proud mary" what a freak!! Um he's like spazzing and dancing all over the place!! He stopped singing and he keep singing! Gone.

Now it's showing all the people who sang that song. That guy was hot, I like him!! But he sucked. Ooh there he is again!! OMG that guy was hillarious he was like so monotone!!

Break.

Back.

Aasia Jackson - Beh he's 16 and looks 10 and he's rapping and now he's singing so high!! He looks like Eddie from That's So Raven. Beh he's in!! He's interesting. Oh my god...that's a GIRL. I'm serious. Just...what? No it's not!! But it IS!! Okay now I'm scared, I swear on Buddha I thought that was a guy. It looked and talked like one, I just thought they were singing high!!

Maurice Thomas - Freak!! Lol Paula spits her drink. No!! Now he won't leave because other people say he sounds like Brian McKnight and he's really good. Sure. Now he's trying to sing Brian McKnight.

Break. Angel Higgs' student Jeremy after the break.

Back. Kerry Underwood bio video. She lives on a farm. I've heard her at the site, she's really good. "I can't make you love me". She's AWESOME. She likes Martina McBride. She's through.

Jeremy Wakefield: "Ain't too proud to beg". He's really good, but they say he's too effective. What the hell does that mean? Randy says yes. Paula says no. Come on, Simon...he says no. You SUCK Simon!! Jeremy's not that upset, but Angel starts crying and she can't stop and she's like falling on the floor because she's so upset and I wish they would stop filming because now I'm getting upset and they won't STOP!!! Jeremy says it's not over for him yet, but she's still crying! He should have gotten through instead of that it person named Aaisa or whatever.

Back. Lol when Adam met Derk. Whoops, Dirk.

Adam brags too much.

Dirk's up first. Um he sucks. He sang a song by David Hasselhoff because he's obsessed with baywatch. He's gone. No, don't come back next year!

Now Adam Pratt. He's being a bragging freak. He's singing "This I promise you" by Richard Marx but sung by Nsync. That song was by Richard Marx? I didn't know that, and I love Richard! Adam's just about as bad as Dirk, if not worse. They said no. But he asks if he can finish the song! H no!! He says they thought it was good but too good to be true. They never said that! Now two losers and leaving together. Good, don't come back.

Show's over, Tuesday they do New Orleans. Some good people are from there. Gene Simmons is guest judging.

Lol Ryan still does Seacrest out.

Finally, break.

AI4: Auditions

Leandra Jackson - "Star-spangled banner". Oh dear god. That sucked. Lol you should have seen Simon's face he was all like "Ummm...k then."

That is a funky new intro.

Recap of last year's finale.

A bunch of sucky people and people who Simon called fat and some woman who he said looked like an elephant.

And now the judges yelling at each other in auditions. Beh, guest judgers. Kenny Logins, Gene Simmons, LL Cool J, Mark McGrath, and Brandy.

Now scenes with the crowd. Now intro of Mark McGrath. He looks like Ashton Kutcher. Ew god no wait, Sean William Scott. Eric Yoder! Ugh.

Break. After they start with Washington.

Back.

Sean McNeill "Isn't she lovely?" he's 27, but he's good. He's scary. He smiles way too much. Randy likes him, Paula does. And Simon says something about his smiling. Randy says yes, Paula says yes, Simon says yes on the personality Yeah, because that's really what the show is about, Simon. And Mark says yes too. He's in Hollywood yay!!

Rebecca Nassar - "The greatest love of all". God.

Davon Wright - "YMCA". Ugh.

Jesse Grazella - "You raise me up" by Josh Groban. He FORGOT the words, and had to go outside to ask people. Those are NOT the words. God, shut up!! No butchering Josh Groban!! They wasted like 10 minutes letting him figure out the lyrics so he could mess up. Now he's crying. Um look at Randy. And Mark is trying not to laugh. Paula says "Jesse" and he walks out. Now he's crying outside and his family says stop it.

And other loser forget the words.

Break.

Back.

Anwar Robinson - "You are the sunshine of my life". Beh he's like a Jamaican school teacher living in America, but he's American. He's good though. He looks like a girl though. His clothes suck. He sang it just right, which is good because I love that song. He's going to Hollywood!!

Beh some fatty. Melissa Considine "How do I live without you". Ugh, she sounds like she talks. Horrible. She's covered in scratches from dressing in the dark at a clothing star and fell into a 4 way rack and her dress is all ripped. Lol they hate her. And now she's getting all POed because she thinks she's great.

Break.

Back. Derek Braxton...bragger much? Beh, he's related to Toni Braxton, he's her cousin!! "How can an angel break my heart". Beh he sucks. Randy's hiding his face with paper so they can't see him laughing. JEEZ!! They'll all hiding. And now laughing. Big enough ring, Paula! Jeez again, he's scary!! Lol he doesn't get what's happening, they can't speak. Simon says "Umm...I think that's probably the weirdest voice I've ever heard in my life". He doesn't care lol. Lol he's rambling so fast it's hillarious! And he says they wish they were him. Lol. Doubt it.

Melissa Walton - "American the beautiful". She was good. And more people butchering that song. Beh Derek again!! Lol. Lol Derek again h!! You can't even tell what he's saying. Okay we don't need that. What a bunch of freaks! Um she looks like a horse. Beh singing high enough!!

Regina Brooks - She sold her wedding ring to get here. Now she's crying just in case she doesn't get in. "Misty" by Johnny Mathis. She sounds like Jen Hudson, she's really good. Beh they asked her husband to come in. And her kid. It's down to Paula. She's through. Now she's like dying lol.

Break. Back.

Marlea Stroman "All at once" by Bonnie Wright. Single full-time mom, broke up with her fiance two weeks ago. Fantasia much? But she's not ugly and she's good. They all say yes, she makes it.

Sarah Mather "Rescue me". This was Amy Adam's auditions song from Atlanta last year. Sarah's parents are British. She's good. Through.

Aven Moore - "Tomorrow" OH my god he's scary. What kind of a gay person wears a matching sweater and headband when they're a guy. Shut it you suck! Holy crap, he won't stop holding notes. Lol Simon's face. Lol bizarrely dreadful.

Break. Afterwards Constantine Maroulis I love him!! I heard him before the show started, he's a rock singer he's awesome.

Back. Constatine Maroulis - "Crying" by Aerosmith. Simon hates him. Simon sucks. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO CONSTATINE'S GOING TO HOLLYWOOD!! I knew that from the list, but still it's AWESOME!! He's hot. He's got that Kalan Porter mixed with Jordan Allard look.

Amanda hubert - "Broken wing" by Martina McBride. Ugh, don't ruin Diana Degarmo's top 11 country song. Bye!!

Jillian Bennett - Shut it. Haha they both lost. Whoa, spazz much.

Break.

Back. Simon's dissing the Spice Girls. You wanna go, Simon?

Beh. Brian Bagley - "On the sunny side of the street". Um what a freak, he's wearing suspenders and looks like he's been beat up! Actually, he looks like Ricky Smith. But only ugly. Get out!!

Lol Travis Tucker. Beatboxing and breakdancing at the same time. "Isn't she lovely" over done much? He's making up the words, but he's really good. Through to Hollywood.

Mary Gober - "Hanky panky" beh she looks like Madonna. Lol Randy. Actually she looks like Megan from Radio Active. Gone.

Break.

Back.

Ian Holmes II: Awesome till high note. He's going through. Lol he's on the floor.

Michelle Fisher - "Kissing you". Lol Rarndy's hiding his face again. Gone.

Ryan took Constantine to tell his band that he's leaving. They are PISSED and the drummer hates AI so he ran out breaking things.

Break. Owww crap two of my cats just started hissing and then one of them flew at me and liked pierced my stomache. God it hurts and it scared the hell out of me.

Jason Smith: Beh what a freak. He keeps changing voices. Nope. Lol Simon says bye all of you.

Franchon Crews - "A woman's worth". She's okay. She's a 17 year old boxer. Nope.

New York Cit-ay time!!

John Zisa, who's dad is the mayor of Hackeysack or something: "Come to me" I LOVE THIS SONG!! He's awesome, and he's THROUGH!!

Break.

Back.

Mary Roach (or Gylbo if she makes it to Hollywood, she says) "I feel the earth move" by Carol King. Don't ruin Kim Caldwell's top 32 song from S2!! Lol Paula's face...and Simon's. Get out!! And now she's singing again oh god.

Show's over. Be back tomorrow for Saint Lewis. If I'm not at the movies or buying Carmen Rasmusen's CD which came out today so GET IT!!