I have my plan for Jonathan!! This is what I'm going to say when he comes back:

You said before that the only thing stopping you from being gay was me, right? Well guess what? I'm still here. Before I say anything else I need you to pretend that I'm still your girlfriend and that you'll actually consider changing your mind because of what I'm saying.

What you said about not really liking me anyway, I can understand that. You're saying that because now that you've decided you're gay, you think you never thought like that ever. It's like if I decided I liked another guy, and then told you I never liked you anyway, I just thought I did. The only reason I would say that would be because I would think that I was a different person now and that nothing about my former "being" was real. That actually did happen, there was this thing that happened with another guy, and it got really messed up and in the end I had to choose between him and you, and I chose you, and not just because I thought it was better, because I KNEW it was real.

And then there was that time at the mall, the second time, remember? We both know that was supposed to happen. And it's happened more than once, too: There was last time when it got messed up and we both thought it was gonna work, and then it did. And you said that fate doesn't just do things in its own, that people have to take action themselves. I totally agree with that, and last time you did that when you decided it could still work. And this time it's my turn to do something about the complete mess that we are both in right now.

And that's another thing, remember how nervous you were the first time? You got over that. That's one of the main reasons why it didn't feel right, because you weren't used to it. It was never that you didn't want it. The last time that you were here, when we were out, I remember something: There was this one part where you had your arm around me, and you told me that that was the closest you'd ever gotten to a girl, and I asked you if that was good, and you said yes. You might say that you were just saying that, but when someone is that close you to you you can tell if they want it or not, and you might have been a little nervous, but you definitely liked it. And what I said last time, you said you only said it back because you thought you should. That's my reason for saying it too. I never really felt that way, I just thought that I should.

That's another thing, you think that in the way of us being together, it either has to be way too serious or nothing at all. I don't agree with that. If we decided now that we could make this work, all I want is for us to like each in that way. That's seriously all I want right now, I'm totally fine with that. And that means something, whether you know it or not: That I'm willing to change for you.

You said that when you first realized this, you felt messed up. The only reason you would have felt that way was if you CARED, in that WAY. And you did, and you still do. There's just this stupid part of you that's telling you no, and it's winning. Don't let it. From the time that I met you to now, you changed so much.

You went from someone who was breaking twigs on a rock to someone who was willing to apologize for something they didn't even do just to keep hold of something good. I do believe that you are still that person. I know you think it's too late, but you know what? It is NEVER too late. Especially not with something like this. You know it's different and I know it too. We know we'd never find anything like this again.

I'm basically done, but just please, stop this now. It's gone on for way too long. It's wrecked so much of everything. It's almost gone, I admit that, but we still can save it. I've done all I can, now it's your call. Just think about it all, and whether you want to let it go waste, which I know you don't. But if you want to let this take over you, I guess there's nothing I can do. But I meant what I said before about this being the only thing I had. I'm not from a rich family, and I don't have that much. I have my friends and everything, but it's not the same thing. The best thing I had was you. I was so proud of you, whenever I told other people about you. You're so smart, and you just know so much more than I do. Even though we have barely anything in common, it still worked between us. And it still CAN, if you'll just let it.

Whenver anything else got screwed up, the fact that I actually had someone who cared in that way and who accepted me for who I am just made it all better. You don't know how hard it is to find somebody who actually likes me, you probably know why. And it wasn't only that you liked me, but there were so many reasons for me to like you back. I could really trust you, I told you things that I've never told other people. It was so good, really. Even with the distance and everything, it was still awesome. Can you at least think about keeping it? About keeping me, as your girlfriend, please?

I think that's good. I'm posting it now for Sandy to see.

I just got back from the Ring 2, so my recap will be a little short: I have ten minutes left: AI4 Top 11 Results:

Nadia and Mikalah are in the bottom 3. And Anthony joins them.

Randy says save Nadia. Paula says she loves them all.

Anthony's back YES!!!

I honestly don't give a crap right now but I'd prefer Mikalah.

Break. The Ring 2 was awesome, it was really scary Sarah kept covering her eyes lol. It was better than the first.

Back.

Lol Nadalie. That's what Ryan called Nadia just now.

YES MIKALAH'S OUT!!! Dear god I'm so happy. Stop crying Jessica. Oh wow a loser tape of her loser Journey. Stop crying Carrie and Nadia!! She says she's going to miss Simon and the people and the fans. Yeah, it's just the beginning of your trip HOME!!

Wow, she's the second person to have this as their sing-out song. Carmen was the first, although she didn't deserve to leave.

Stop it, Jessica!!

God, she's even more horrible than yesterday and the night before.

Lol she got cut off. Awesome.

I hope my mom remembered to record the new episode of RFR.

I have a plan to get Jonathan back, and I'll talk more about it later.

My recap got lost today because the stupid thing wouldn't post. I'm kinda pissed off right now because of the whole Jonathan thing so I'll just do this.

Federov - You were waiting for me/George Michael/ 1-866-IDOLS-01
Carebear - Alone/Heart/1-866-IDOLS-02
Scottie - Against all odds/Phil Collins/1-866-IDOLS-03
Ob Ecib - Time in a bottle/Jim Croce/1-866-IDOLS-04
Neechos - Incomplete/Sisqo/1-866-IDOLS-05
Washington/Smiley/Eeee - Best of my love/The Emotions/1-866-IDOLS-06
Connie - I think I love you/The Partridge Family/1-866-IDOLS-07
Tadia Turner - Time after time/Cyndi Lauper/1-866-IDOLS-08
Mee-kalah es Gordo - Love will lead you back/Taylor Dane/1-866-IDOLS-09
One-note Robinson - Ain't nobody/Chaka Kahn/1-866-IDOLS-10
Jess - Total eclipse of the heart/Bonnie Tyler/1-866-IDOLS-11

The best were Nikko, Carrie, Constantine, and Jessica. Bo was good. Everyone else was okay. Mikalah sucked and so did Anwar.

If this doesn't post I don't care I'm not doing it again.

Jonathan broke up with me yesterday because he's gay. Literally. Wow. It went really bad last night, but he told me he'd phone me today and we'd talk. And he did. It went okay, because he convinced me that he wasn't just lying, and I guess I do believe him. He always was kind of weird. And he said he thought he liked me in that way but he never did, and he realized that while he was in England because something happened. Ew. But he says it can be as it was before, it just can't go any further. He said it was just friendship before. It does really really suck, not only because I just lost my boyfriend but now I hear that he never really was my boyfriend and he lied for like 6 months but oh he didn't LIE he just didn't KNOW. And he's GAY for god's sake! But it's okay though, he says we can still be friends, and he even KNOWS that's a crappy line lol. He said he wants to keep emailing and talking and seeing each other. He's gone up to Whistler today for two weeks or less. He said he'll call me when he gets back. Hopefully he'll have thought about what a stupid dumbass he's being, but probably not. This would be the most HILLARIOUS situation if it wasn't me.

But I'm having fun watching Australian Idol videos so now I'm going to go see if I can get some more karaoke songs for my audition next week.

Vonzell Solomon might be singing "I wanna dance with somebody" by Whitney Houston tomorrow night for Billboard hits, it's a spoiler on TWOP and IDF.